Last Updated on May 19, 2025 by nice2buy
The Egg Cracker Pitch
Imagine you’re in your kitchen. You’ve got eggs. You’ve got hands. And, crucially, you’ve got motor skills. What you don’t have, apparently, is the ability to crack an egg without turning it into a Jackson Pollock on your counter.
Enter the Egg Cracker: a spring-loaded contraption promising to eliminate the horror of touching eggshells. Just pop your egg into its plastic jaws, squeeze the handle, and marvel as it explodes in a semi-controlled yolk detonation.
This thing is the culinary equivalent of using a backhoe to plant a daisy.
Design & Build
Visually, the Egg Cracker looks like a rejected part from a Transformers toy – all white plastic limbs and a weird claw designed to grip your egg like it’s committed a felony. It comes with a yolk separator attachment, which I assume was invented by someone who found separating yolks with the shell too barbaric.
It feels light. Almost too light. Like a prototype you’d find in a box labeled “1997: Nice Try.”
Features
- Breaks eggs. Sort of.
- Separates yolk. When it doesn’t spill the entire contents into your lap.
- Does not explode. Usually.
- Plastic build. Dishwasher-unfriendly, life-unfriendly.
Use Case
Let’s be clear: if you’re an elite-level egg-cracker (aka a functioning adult), this device is as useless as a chocolate teapot. But if you’re elderly, have dexterity issues, or are a child aspiring to be Gordon Ramsay without the swearing, the Egg Cracker has some redeeming qualities.
It can crack an egg without getting shards in your pancake batter. But so can a spoon. Or a rock. Or, God forbid, your fingers.
And for the love of cholesterol, do not expect it to work well on large or hard-boiled eggs unless you enjoy surprise omelet confetti.
Pros
- It does occasionally work.
- Decent for people with limited hand strength or coordination.
- Great conversation starter: “What is that thing?”
Cons
- Sometimes crushes eggs into oblivion.
- Cheap plastic, feels like a cereal box toy.
- Cleaning it is like performing surgery on a toaster.
- Costs more than a month’s supply of actual eggs.
Final Verdict
The Egg Cracker is a bizarre monument to laziness and overengineering. It’s what happens when someone invents a problem just to sell the solution. If you can’t crack an egg, maybe consider a different hobby. Like knitting. Or golf.
But if you insist on feeling like James Bond disarming an egg every morning, by all means – buy the Egg Cracker. Just don’t come crying to me when it yolks your ceiling.
Rating: 2 out of 5 – One egg short of an omelet.