Last Updated on May 15, 2025 by nice2buy
At long last, humanity has reached its technological peak: we’ve strapped a laser pointer to a pair of scissors. Yes, really. Because freehand cutting is now considered such a high-risk operation, we need tactical optics to make it through a sheet of gift wrap.
These so-called Laser Scissors claim to help you cut in a straight line every time. As if your shaky holiday wrapping technique was just one red dot away from surgical precision. Spoiler alert: it isn’t.
What you get:
- Stainless steel blades (so far, so normal)
- Easy-grip handles (because ergonomics!)
- A built-in laser pointer that projects a red line in front of the blades
- Instructions that require you to calibrate the laser using tiny screws, because clearly you’re not just wrapping a present — you’re performing sniper-level alignment on a pair of office tools
And yes, it needs batteries. For scissors.
Let that sink in. Your scissors now require power management. The laser lasts about two days, meaning by the time you’re finally happy with the alignment, it’s dead. Back to cutting by hand, you peasant.
In use?
The idea is simple: line up the laser with the end of your cut, and follow it like you’re defusing a bomb made of construction paper. But in reality, you’ll spend more time fiddling with the screws and wondering if the laser is off… or you are.
Meanwhile, the laser is shooting a straight line onto a wrinkled sheet of material that still moves as soon as you touch it, because physics has not yet been replaced by marketing.
Cutting in a straight line doesn’t come from lasers. It comes from your hands, your eyes, and the rare occasion when you actually care about the result.
But here’s the punchline:
It’s kind of brilliant. Not functionally. Not practically. But as a conversation piece. As a gift. As the weird thing in your drawer that you pull out when someone says, “Hey, got any scissors?” and you respond by activating a laser.
Final verdict:
- Genius? If you’re 12, yes.
- Useful? As much as a laser-guided fork.
- Should you buy it? Only if you want to explain, for the rest of your life, why your scissors need batteries.
Laser Scissors: A product that tried to fix something no one ever asked to fix, using a method better suited for the Death Star than your craft table.
They’re absurd.
They’re unnecessary.
And they’re absolutely going in my kitchen drawer.
Because I love chaos.
