iPad toilet Stand with Toilet Roll Holder: The Crown Jewel of Human Degeneracy

The Pitch: “Because You’re Just That Important on the Loo”

Let’s just address the steaming chrome elephant in the room: this is an iPad stand… for your toilet. Not a reading lamp. Not a nightstand. A literal chrome pedestal that lets you mount your iPad like it’s the control panel of a luxury bidet while you handle your daily digestive diplomacy.

The concept? You’re so intellectually superior, so dangerously productive, that you can’t possibly waste 5 minutes not doom-scrolling through LinkedIn or rewatching cat fail compilations during your… let’s say, throne time.

Because obviously, this is the perfect time to be elbow-deep in your portfolio analytics.

Design & Build: Vegas Strip Meets Public Restroom

The CTA Digital Pedestal Stand is finished in elegant chrome, which sounds fancy until you realize that nothing elegant has ever involved a toilet paper spindle. Chrome on bathroom hardware just screams “1970s casino powder room.”

And yes, it has a 10-inch bendable metal gooseneck for “multi-directional adjustment.” Translation? You can angle your iPad to the precise degree you want when binge-watching YouTube conspiracy theories while nature does its thing.

The base is “heavyweight” — presumably to prevent it from tipping over mid-swipe, which, let’s be honest, would be the most poetic punishment for buying this in the first place.

Features: You’re Kidding, Right?

Let’s run through the “features”:

• Adjustable gooseneck: Because what you really want while evacuating your intestines is the ability to tilt your iPad toward the bidet.

• Toilet paper roll holder: Because one must never break eye contact with a BuzzFeed quiz.

• Compatible with iPad 2, 3, and 4: Which is adorable, since the last time someone used an iPad 2, Steve Jobs was still alive. It’s 2025 — unless you’re actively LARPing as someone stuck in 2012, this thing is as useful as a Blockbuster membership card.

And no, it doesn’t support iPad Air or Mini. Which makes sense — if you’re committing to this level of bathroom-based media consumption, you’re not going mini. You’re going full slab.

Use Case: A Monument to Misplaced Priorities

Let me paint a picture.

You’ve just redecorated the bathroom. Spa-like ambience. Subtle lighting. Soft linens. And there — gleaming in the corner — a chrome-plated digital shrine to the downfall of mankind, holding your iPad and a single roll of double-ply like it’s the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Your friends see it and say nothing. Not because they’re impressed, but because they’re too polite to ask what’s wrong with you.

The truth? No one needs this. No one asked for it. It exists purely because someone at CTA Digital decided the Venn diagram between “tablet use” and “toilet time” needed a solid chrome intersection.

Final Verdict: The Beginning of the End

There are many things wrong with modern society — social media addiction, rampant consumerism, TikTok dances that look like minor seizures. But this product? This is the chrome-plated exclamation mark on all of it.

It is a gadget for people who want to turn their toilet into a tech-enabled command center. For those who think wiping should come with a software update. For the poor souls who’ve mistaken multitasking for meaning.

And yet… I can’t look away.

It’s so unashamedly stupid, so gloriously tone-deaf, that it crosses the threshold from “useless” to “performance art.” It doesn’t belong in your bathroom. It belongs in a museum, next to other absurd inventions like the flowbee and the vibrating ab belt.

Would I recommend it?
No.
Do I secretly want to install one in my guest bathroom just to watch visitors lose faith in humanity?
Absolutely.

Grab one on Amazon for fun.